One of my favorite parenting books of all time. I heard Alfie Kohn speak last year, and not a day goes by that I don't think about this book. Interesting thoughts about positive reinforcement (read: bribes) and praise. I do still praise my kids but also try to make sure I explain *why* I'm proud of them. :-)
I look forward to learning more about Alfie Kohn and his philosophies. He will be the keynote speaker at our school district's April professional day, so I am bound to learn a lot. He is also speaking at our conference in various workshops geared to teachers AND parents. I can't wait. Will let you know how it went, if you are interested.
I'm very interested, although my late response probably doesn't indicate that... I've actually thought about it (you hearing him speak) often since you first posted this comment, wondering how it was. I'm so envious.
LMK if you want to borrow it. I first read a library copy, but I liked it so much I bought myself a copy.
I warn you, his philosophies don't jive with yours at all, so I'm not sure you'll like it much, but like I said, he does back up most of what he says with references to actual research, so even if you don't do any of what he suggests, it still makes for interesting reading.
I mean, I still praise Miyoko in silly ways, and I still do a lot of conditional parenting because that's just what comes naturally to me, but he delivers messages in the book that go beyond "do this, don't do that" that are beneficial, imo...
For example, he says that it doesn't really matter what our intentions are, it matters what message the child receives. And he reminds us that a parent's job is not to control the child in the here and now so we can benefit, it's about helping the child grow up to be a <insert adjective> adult.
Great to hear from you! Alfie Kohn is a marvelous speaker - and really funny, too. The talk I attended was aimed at elementary school parents and covered a lot of topics, including control/behavior (parenting for my own sake instead of my kids), natural consequences vs. punishments, homework (he's generally against it, feels there's too much and it's unnecessary), praising effort vs. results (aligns well with Carole Dweck's notions of fixed vs. flexible mindsets). He comes off as very human, radical in some ways and down to earth in others. Made me realize there's a lot of hypocrisy in how parenting (my own incldued!) and education is generally done.
I've put some other favorite parenting books, as well as a bunch of books on gifted kids, in my Vox sidebar. (The "Collections" weren't showing up before.) Naomi Aldort's book isn't for everyone, but I find it particularly compassionate. Anyway, check them out and let me know what you think. :-)
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the key word being sometimes.
but - the book sounds interesting. i'd probably read it if i get some time to.
Just wanted to ask you what other parenting books you like. Have you read "How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk"?
How was his talk? What did he talk about? I would love to go to one for parents.
Was it enlightening?
I warn you, his philosophies don't jive with yours at all, so I'm not sure you'll like it much, but like I said, he does back up most of what he says with references to actual research, so even if you don't do any of what he suggests, it still makes for interesting reading.
I mean, I still praise Miyoko in silly ways, and I still do a lot of conditional parenting because that's just what comes naturally to me, but he delivers messages in the book that go beyond "do this, don't do that" that are beneficial, imo...
For example, he says that it doesn't really matter what our intentions are, it matters what message the child receives. And he reminds us that a parent's job is not to control the child in the here and now so we can benefit, it's about helping the child grow up to be a <insert adjective> adult.
I've put some other favorite parenting books, as well as a bunch of books on gifted kids, in my Vox sidebar. (The "Collections" weren't showing up before.) Naomi Aldort's book isn't for everyone, but I find it particularly compassionate. Anyway, check them out and let me know what you think. :-)